Fighting the fog

Its taken me a long time to post right now. Not because I havent thought of things and not even because I have really been too afriad to share them. Its simply by the time i would sit down to be able to type out anything I have thought of, they are gone.

I've started to have a bit of a side effect from the SSRI meds. Its not unexpected and actually isnt a bad thing, well, according to the dr's its just more proof that my brain is normalizing. But to me it feels weird.

It feels like i am passing time in a fog. Like I know that today happened but not part of it stand out really sharply or are particularily memorable. And unless i really concentrate on it, the day just exists as a blur for me. Most days do. I can't remember what I watched on tv or ate for breakfast this morning, but i am sure that both events happened. Its as if they are no longer important enough for my brain to store them - and before it always would.

Is this how other people live?

Just now MSN messenged me and it was enough of a distraction to change my train of thought. I knew i was posting here, and I knew what topic i was writing about, but, i forgot the next sentance i had lined up and even really what my exact point was. My norm, in the past, has been to have the next two paragraphs sitting somewhere in my arm muscles waiting for the hand to catch up (apparently this is normal for a gifted child) while the thoughts keep flowing. Now it feels much slower and like it is harder to do these things. And as if shiny things could easily distract me from my task.

In alot of ways my dream world is becoming more vivid and real to me than my waking world is. It is at least more interesting and I am finding myself wanting to sleep more and more, simply because it is more exciting than my day to day life.

Part of me thinks about recording these dreams, turning this into a dream blog because i know at some point I am going to lose these dreams and i want to hold onto this fantsay world that i have created in my sleep.

The weird thing is, even though i have a different dream every night, I will sometimes see things that are the same. The same public building or the same brand that i created. Its as if I am looking into different and odd stories in a world or a planet that is at least the same or consistant and I cant understand how when everything else changes, these tiny things dont.